Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Coming Home

Photo Credit: Allison Tatios
Dear Readers,

Life hasn't been all that darling. As you can see, it's been almost a year since my last blog post. I don't know where to begin, but the most honest words to start with are: I'm not ready to write about the events that have occurred in my life over the past several months, but the blaring gap can't be ignored.

I can tell you that my life has been turned upside down.

Darling's Pixie Dust was started to give an insight to my real life, but it turns out that I was living within a lie ... always embracing the darling and never seeing the darkest part of my reality. In short, the children were fine, but my marriage was not. Never in a million years could I have ever imagined writing that last sentence. I was blindsided and in one conversation, my life as I knew it changed forever.

For now, I'm living, breathing and finding so much joy from my loved ones that I could bust. It's amazing that I never knew how many people have always been in my corner or how much I've been whole heartedly loved in my life.

My gratitude toward our family and friends near and far knows no bounds. It has been their countless hours of time, their words, notes, emails and texts of encouragement for the children and I that have kept us afloat. There were days when I couldn't get out of bed and weeks where I didn't stop crying. There are so many examples of ways that our support system lifted us at our heaviest time, but I think one of the most profound moments for me was when a dear friend embraced me shortly after my world came crashing down. I felt her strong arms and safety in the knowledge that I could fall into them and melt into a weeping puddle of grief. It was then that my faith in the human spirit began to be restored. After complete betrayal and the feelings of abandonment and shame, having the comfort of a loved one who would never leave me and would hold my head as well as my soul, was the step I needed to start repairing my broken heart.

There is so much love to give back and words to share and even though I'm not ready to share my complete story, please have faith. I'm on a journey of self-discovery. Our daughter, Izzy, has a t-shirt that says, "A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song". I am that bird ... a woman with a song.

Over time, I have learned to accept the darkness and to embrace my deepest sorrow and fear. Without doing so, I would have never seen the light as it approached and basked in the beautiful sunshine of a bright future, though I still do not know what that future holds. I believe that allowing myself to feel everything, enabled a meaningful and true healing process to begin.

The readers who have been with me from the beginning know my love for fine china. I love the delicacy, the daintiness and the subtle sophistication a quiet setting can bring to a warm family meal. In the past, a crack in that china would never do, but now I see the beauty of a teacup with a crack, mended and even more beautiful for the wear.

You, dear readers, are warmly invited to come on this journey of rediscovery with me. You are welcomed to share in the stories, the food, the drink, the songs, the laughter and the heartache.

I've changed in the last several months. I think I'm coming home ... home to myself. Please pass through my doorstep. My arms are open.


With love (as always),
Mrs. Darling ... or better known simply as, Sara

2 comments:

  1. Dear Sara - Your words are as breathtaking as you are. No matter what happens in your life, please, please never stop writing. I am keeping you in my prayers and I know there are glorious things in store for you and your precious littles. Big hugs, P

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  2. Sara,
    A "journey of rediscovery" sounds beautiful and everyone deserves to sing, laugh, and nourish one's heart, soul and spirit.
    I feel that chaos often brings awakening.
    pve

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